The Journey of My Ever Changing Mind

In a sense, I’m always ever changing and doing different things to keep my mind from wandering and overthinking about everything… I realize I want this blog space to just be a place where I can just unload most of my thoughts on books, games, and narrations I do. So while I will be doing book reviews every now and then, this blog will transition to more of my hobby blog. While I know that no one wants to read the mundane trials of an average woman trying to figure out her life and still not trigger her anxiety or depression.

Which leads me to why this blog was started, I suffer from a very strange but not uncommon anxiety disorder which has been deemed “High Functioning.” As I can look and act normal in front of people when I’m severely in tangles and want to run away from everything. I know that themighty.com has several articles written about this type, however, when I had seen a doctor many years ago. It was just pronounced as anxiety and depression, here-have-some-pills-that’ll-screw-up-your-psyche-even-more KABLAM!

I felt worse for wear when they had me taking several different pills, it came to a point where I felt all kinds of messed up. Also, certain friends and family would point out that there was no way I could be depressed or have anxiety because I would go out and I could talk with people. Now, back then, I was too depressed and such a damn pushover, I literally just listened and did whatever anyone told me it was. I actually caused more damage to my mind then when I was just not on medication and not vocally telling anyone about what was running through my mind.

However, I had many years of suppressing this anxiety and depression, I knew it was there niggling at me in the night. It ate away at me bit by bit, and it stirred me towards becoming fixated on food and developing this disgusting type of relationship with sweets. I would constantly eat sweets to just get that small high of comfort, and then when it was all gone, I’d seek more of sugar as my drug. To a point where I became 60lbs overweight and I struggled to pass the physical examinations for a job opportunity. I was embarrassed as hell to even be my sister’s maid of honor for her wedding… so I made up this horrid excuse that I couldn’t be her maid of honor and she had to pass the torch to someone else. It was bad… I was depressed, overweight, full of anxiety, and yet people found it hard to believe that I was suffering from High Functioning Anxiety because… I could work and act normal.

It’s been a difficult road to keep my anxiety from getting out of hand, and that’s where this blog and my side projects come into play. I narrate creepypastas and I do gameplay videos, however, I also return to books to keep me going. I practically do a multitude of things to keep my mind from going into a dark place. So if you’re willing to read all my mishaps and crazy different blog post on a daily basis, stick around, I hope there’s something that I talk about that either will help you laugh or get you interested in a new hobby.

 

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