Unsettling Decisions and Coffee Grinds

I was notified sometime last week that there would be a shift in management in my work, now I’m probably not going to be the first to feel unsettled about this kind of stuff but it was a very sudden announcement. It triggered my dormant anxiety that I had kept under control for about a month now, but the announcement from work definitely sent the door holding it at bay to splinter and cause a leak.

To be honest, I enjoy changes, I’m adaptable for those kinds of life changes, however… I don’t like certain changes that can hinder growth and or cause rifts between goals and other people (especially if they are done purposely to eject someone). I won’t talk much about the situation, but it has started the cogwheels in my mind to start turning and what will be my next move from here on out.

You see, currently I’m employed in a per diem medical position that allows me to get the breaks and rest in between for school and overall mental health. When I had been working full-time a few months ago, there was a huge decline in my health and my mental state, it also took a toll on my schooling which is no bueno. After realizing that I couldn’t continue on working the way I was, I went from full-time to per diem… It is not ideal, I will explain that much.

In this day and age, bills, responsibilities, money… it’s what makes the world go round and keep it rotating. However, I didn’t want to feel as if my life would keep rotating in the same direction and same path… every damn year. I am in school currently to pursue my degree in English, going into the medical field was an option that was forced onto me at a young age due to the market crash that happened a few years ago.

Now, back to the point before I went off on my detour of sorts above, I know with this current announcement from work it will bring lots of consequences and no solution… So I have decided to move my ass to another sister clinic of the company and in hopes, will help alleviate the tension that has been stretching itself inside me since then.

But, the point of my blog today is to remind myself, to not put myself in a position that will become detrimental again to my well-being. I have realized that over the course of six years I have literally worked full-time, focused on money, half-assed my schooling, and let my focus and goals deteriorate because I was so damn consumed by the way society has made me look at life.

I’ve been lifeless for so long… I refuse to go back and become the walking dead I was a few months ago. Goals matter, dreams are just the starting point, and I have to remind myself consistently, against all my anxiety and depression that I will be okay and I will figure things out to the best of my abilities.

So don’t give up and get scared back into doing things that you know will sever your life in half.. Make sure to live.

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